Harry Potter turned 35 today, on 31st July 2015! While Potterheads (both magic and muggle) worldwide cheer in celebration, we took a detour down memory lane and made a list of all times when The Boy Who Lived was the sassiest, most sarcastic SOB in wizarding history!
1. Chamber of Secrets, when Dudley (intending to tease Harry about how he hadn’t gotten a single present for his birthday) says, “I know what day it is!”, Harry replies with the spectacularly sassy, “You’ve finally learned the days of the week.”
2. Bookreaders, remember when Snape disarmed Lockhart and Lockhart proceeded to depart some wisdom to Harry?
Lockhart cuffed Harry merrily on the shoulder.
‘Just do what I did, Harry!’
‘What, drop my wand?’
3. When, in Sorcerer’s Stone, our favorite Sassy Scarhead asked Snape to divert his annoying Qs to Hermione Know-It-All.
4. When he turned all out rebel in Prisoner of Azkaban, wandlessly inflating Aunt Marge like a balloon and leaving the Dursleys’ home.
5. And this too, from Prisoner of Azkaban. Harry Potter cracked a funny!
Ron Weasley: Right, you’ve got a sort of wonky cross… That means you’re going to have ‘trials and suffering’—sorry about that—but there’s a thing that could be the sun … hang on … that means ‘great happiness’ … so you’re going to suffer but be very happy about it……
Harry Potter: You need your inner eye tested.
6. When he fearlessly read out the Marauders’ insults to Snape.
“Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.
Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.
Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor.
Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.”
7. [in their first Divination lesson, reading tea leaves] When he was way too real.
Ron: Right, what can you see?
Harry: A load of soggy brown stuff.
8. When he sprayed Cedric Diggory with sarcasm in Goblet of Fire.
9. When he gave literally zero fucks.
10. When he was the king of sarcastic trolling.
11. When Harry was not in the mood for guessing games with Snape.
12. When he couldn’t take anymore of Umbridge’s shit in Order of the Phoenix.
“So, according to you, Cedric Diggory dropped dead of his own accord did he?”
13. Or when he went all “you’re way too stupid” on Draco Malfoy.
Draco Malfoy: You’re dead, Potter.
Harry Potter: Funny, you’d think I’d have stopped walking around.
14. His comeback to Hermione when she advised him from keeping his distance from Draco.
Hermione Granger: Harry, don’t go picking a row with Malfoy, don’t forget, he’s a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you….
Harry Potter: Wow, I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life?
15. Order of the Phoenix, when shit was way too real for dream interpretation.
Ron Weasley: I had a dream about Quidditch last night. What do you think that means?
Harry Potter: I dunno. Probably means you’re going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something.
16. When Harry had to explain the concept of “news” to Uncle Vernon.
Uncle Vernon: What were you doing under our window, boy?
Harry Potter: Listening to the news.
Uncle Vernon: Listening to the news! Again?
Harry: Well, it changes every day, you see.
17. When he put Snape in his place in the Half Blood Prince.
“There’s no need to call me “sir”, Professor.”
18. When he wasn’t getting any helpful info out of Ron and made it pretty clear.
Ron Weasley: Well, you can’t break an Unbreakable Vow.
Harry Potter: I figured that much out for myself, funnily enough.
19. Even angry, he manages to remain sarcastic as hell.
Narcissa Malfoy: I see that being Dumbledore’s favourite has given you a false sense of security, Harry Potter. But Dumbledore won’t always be there to protect you.
Harry Potter: Wow…look at that…he’s not here now! So why don’t you have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!
20. When Harry was drunk on the power of Felix Felicis – liquid luck.
Horace Slughorn: Harry, I must insist you accompany me back to the castle immediately!
Harry Potter: That would be counter-productive, sir!
Horace Slughorn: What makes you say that?
Harry Potter: No idea.
21. When, in the Deathly Hallows, Harry just can’t believe how stupid the Ministry of Magic is.
“Interesting theory. Has anyone ever tried sticking a sword into Voldemort? Maybe the Ministry should get some people onto that, instead of wasting their time stripping down Deluminators or covering up breakouts from Azkaban.” (Harry to Scrimgeour)
22. When Harry finally told Lord Voldy to “be a man”, while calling him Tom to his face.
“It’s your one last chance … Be a man … try … Try for some remorse …”
23. When Harry calls Ron out on his bullshit. (The Potterhead community will agree that it is most uncomfortable when these two fight!)
“Well then, I’m sorry, but I don’t quite understand. What part of this isn’t living up to your expectations? Did you think we were gonna be staying in a five-star hotel?”
24. When Harry could not believe how weak a job Snape had done with Hogwarts’ security and informed him of his incompetence.
“It seems despite your exhaustive defensive strategies, you still have a bit of a security problem, Headmaster.”
Happy Birthday, Harry! You are and always will be “Desirable No. 1″.
Potterheads and Muggles can leave their comments below!